The resolutions of the rich and famous

Name: Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt
Resolved: To become the 21st-century John & Yoko, and bring love and happiness to the world. How else could they follow up their successful 2005 film, "Mr. & Mrs. Smith"? That cinematic tour de force not only brought them together as a couple, it gave us the new, benevolent A-list entity better known as "Brangelina."

Shizuo Kambayashi / AP Brad finds out that the whole adoption thing was really just an excuse for Angelina to make him carry Maddox. Pray the kid doesn't get a growth spurt soon, Brad.

But this should come as no surprise to celeb-watchers. We first got a taste of Brangelina's philanthropic intentions when they spent Thanksgiving in Pakistan. There, the newly partnered couple helped earthquake victims in Pakistan-administered Kashmir. Showing the world's media that they are indeed geo-political players to be reckoned with, the couple met with Pakistani president General Pervez Musharraf, himself a noted lover of human rights.

But that was last year. In 2006 their goals will be much higher.

For starters, the world's most beautiful couple will bring an end to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, which will culminate in Angelina converting to Judaism — the real thing, too, not that watered-down Kabbalah stuff Madonna and Demi Moore go for — and Brad switching over to Islam. Then Angelina, on a U.N.-sponsored trip to the Holy Land, will lead a vigil at the Western Wall while Brad prays at the nearby Blue Mosque.

After that, Muslim and Jew, celebrity and non-celebrity, will come together (just as John Lennon would have wanted) as one and love — yes love! — will rule. —J.T.

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