The resolutions of the rich and famous

If you happened to be a Hollywood divorce lawyer, this was your year. Otherwise, if you happened to be a celebrity in love, 2005 was probably better left forgotten. 

Jen and Jessica began the year in wedded bliss, but will ring in the new year ringless. Brad left Jen for the comforts of Angelina, which was a bummer for Jen but didn't necessarily make Brad seem like such a horrid guy. In the piecemeal Jolie family, Brad Pitt is about as normal a father as you'd expect.  As for Nick, we mostly just would have loved to be a fly on the wall for the last coversation between him and Papa Joe.

Britney, who felt the irresistible need to document her and K-Fed's love story on video for the entire UPN viewing audience to see, wound up feeling pretty uncharitable of late about her baby's daddy. (One set of rumors has her kicking Kev out of the house, though her rep denies that.) Granted, it was UPN that scored rights to this whole love story, so Spears shouldn't worry about too many people having witnessed the living irony that was "Chaotic."

Paris got engaged, then got disengaged. But no one really figured that one would make it to the wedding chapel.

Michael Jackson, whose love life none of us dare to contemplate, spent the first half of the year living out the unfortunate endgame of his fondness for down-and-out, slightly grafty families — or at least their sons — and then last month, his ex-wife claimed that MJ's kids were actually the result of some creative sperm-bank withdrawals.

As counterpoint to all this heartbreak, we were given Tom and Katie, no doubt the pairing of the year — and one that struck all of America as either utterly charming or utterly ridiculous.

A new year is always a good time to forgive and forget.  So here's hoping all our favorite A-listers find new and fulfilling ways to pass 2006.  In case they're out of ideas, we've thought up a few suggestions of our own.  —Jon Bonné

Name: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Resolved: To fulfill their dreams of being the perfect, most well-adjusted family in Hollywood. One that no one could possibly suspect of being a complete sham perpetrated by a 40-something Scientologist who worries that his days of being the go-to stud are numbered and a former WB refugee who sees only horror movie sequels in her future.

Slide show   Bye bye, love A look back at 2005, the year of the celebrity breakup

After announcing her retirement from acting to fulfill the glorious role of motherhood, Holmes will promptly knock out two more kids before taking a role in an Anthony Minghella-directed period drama. She’ll be panned by critics, but will lay the groundwork for her post-Cruise career by proving that she has more than one facial expression.

While making sure to re-seed the more thinning portions of his hairline, Cruise will continue to insist on doing his own stunts and talk incessantly about it in the press. Reigned in by his new set of handlers, he will keep couch leaping and prescription drug bashing to a minimum, but will forever hold a grudge against Matt Lauer.

The two will part amicably after starring together in an action-packed remake of “The Way We Were.” After which, Holmes’ career will blossom and Cruise will be romantically linked in the press to Dakota Fanning.  —Paige Newman

Paige Newman is MSNBC.com's movies editor.

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