Holidays not always so merry for kids

Victoria Clayton • E-mail

Most of us think of the holiday season as a happy and festive time of the year. We all know, of course, that for some adults it’s a season for stress or sadness. In a perfect world, children would be immune to this, but in reality are they?

Unfortunately, no, says Jonathan Dalton of the Maryland Center for Anxiety Disorders at University of Maryland in College Park. Children — like many adults — are susceptible to holiday stress and, in some cases, even more serious anxiety.

“Kids are often stressed for the same reasons adults are, and they respond to the same kind of stress adults do,” says Dalton, a post-doctoral fellow in psychology. That means travel, gifts, family stress and change can leave children just as unhinged as grown-ups.

The trouble is, kids probably aren’t going to tell you they’re stressed.

How children express their anxiety, says Dalton, is very different from adults. “With younger children — until at least around age 8 or 9 — stress is more somatic or physical. For example, they’ll say ‘my tummy hurts,’” explains Dalton.

In addition to complaining of physical ailments, stressed-out kids tend to be more irritable, they often fight with siblings and friends, and they have more trouble sleeping. It’s not until children move toward adolescence that they have more insight into their thought process and emotions and will be able to let adults know that they’re feeling anxious.

The good news, though, is that parents and caregivers can do a lot to prevent children from ever suffering holiday stress.

A less stressful season
Foremost, adults have to remember that kids crave routine and structure no matter the time of the year, says Dr. David Fassler, a child and adolescent psychiatrist in Burlington, Vt., and a professor at the University of Vermont. “With festivities and travel it may be difficult, but as much as possible stick to routines such as mealtimes and bedtimes,” he says.

Fassler also recommends discussing holiday plans with your children well in advance. If you’re debating whether to attend certain family holiday parties or events, allow children to offer their two cents. Also be aware that constantly changing plans or making last-minute decisions will increase potential for stress.

When it's more than holiday stress If your child seems stressed this holiday season, that doesn’t necessarily mean he or she has a serious problem. However, if a child is so shy or anxious that it interferes with normal functioning, it may be time to get help, says Denise Chavira, a psychologist at the University of California, San Diego. Chavira notes that anxiety disorders are the most common childhood disorder. Anywhere from 3 to 10 percent of children suffer from a range of anxiety disorders, including social anxiety. But childhood anxiety is highly treatable and, contrary to what many parents assume, it often doesn’t require medication. More info on childhood anxiety can be found at www.childhoodanxietynetwork.org or at the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry’s Web site: www.aacap.org.

Be especially sure to forewarn children of big changes. “It’s best to let them know in advance so it’s not a surprise at the last minute,” Fassler says. For example, if you usually go to a particular grandmother’s home for the holidays but this year you’re going to an aunt’s house, make sure the kids know where they’re going and what you’ll be doing.

Dalton recommends that if you’re going to be in a variety of social situations, before each event give some specifics of the type of behavior you expect (i.e. you’re going to a dinner party and you expect them to sit down with you, eat their meals and ask to be excused when they’re done. Or you’re going to a less formal party and it’s fine for them to wear casual clothes and go off and play with the other kids).

“Let kids know what to expect and what parents expect of kids,” says Dalton. “Parents often overestimate how much kids know about behavior. Kids should be told the rules in advance — use an indoor voice, don’t touch breakables, etc.”

Employing other minor strategies such as leaving extra time so you’re not harried when you travel and not overscheduling activities so children have plenty of downtime can also add up to a much less hectic holiday and much happier children.

Of course, there are some scenarios that can’t be fixed so easily and parents and caregivers have to understand that not all kids will be care-free this holiday season.

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