Always tongue-tied? Learn to be a chatterbox

It’s a tough and fast world. The news media provides more bad news than good. People appreciate a conversation in which they feel acknowledged, heard, and significant. While it’s understood that people seek these benefits in conversations with friends, it’s also true that people choose to buy goods and services from individuals perceived as warm, friendly, and caring. From the senior executive of a large corporation selecting a supplier, to a parent picking up a few groceries, to the account executive calling a courier — buying decisions are all influenced by the rapport that has been established with the other party.

Garner big gains with a little talking
Effective managers use small talk at the front end of a meeting to set the tone for discussion and to create a bridge to more meaningful, and perhaps difficult, dialogue. Casual conversation and informal icebreakers offer opportunities to build rapport, create a cohesive team, and increase the chances of success.

By developing your conversation skills, you can even improve communication with your children. You’ll recognize the most repeated question in parenting — How was school? — as a conversation killer. You can avoid the usual one-word response — Fine — and instead create a dialogue. Imagine, you may actually gain insight into what they’re learning and who their friends are!

Small talk is no small thing. It’s a valuable personal and professional thread that connects people. Appreciating the power of small talk is the first step. By recognizing its value, you’ll be more inclined to acquire the skills. If you thought small talk was all about becoming a smooth-talking used-car salesperson, you were mistaken. Small talk is the verbal equivalent of that first domino: It starts a chain reaction with all kinds of implications for your life.

This book is filled with techniques and hints to give you the skills to enjoy the perks of quality conversation. You won’t necessarily decide that you love networking events or cocktail parties, but you will have the skills to be successful at them. Like me, you may still prefer to stay at home with a good book rather than attend an event where you don’t know anyone. There’s no denying that it takes effort to mingle at an open house when the room is full of strangers. However, there’s also no denying that there are plenty of events we’re expected to attend. So it makes sense to maximize your opportunities, and improved conversation skills will do just that. By the time you finish this book, you’ll have the information and resources at your disposal to make you a successful conversationalist at any function. Improving your conversation skills can enhance your leadership abilities, reduce your anxiety in social situations, boost your confidence, lead you to new friendships, and more. Before you know it, you might actually enjoy making small talk!

Excerpted from “The Fine Art of Small Talk,” by Debra Fine. Copyright © 2005, Debra Fine. All rights reserved. Published by Hyperion. No part of this excerpt can be used without permission of the publisher.

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